IT’S ALL ABOUT THE BIKE……AGAIN

Some of you may remember when I started this blog with an early post that said: It Is All About the Bike.  Crashing on my bike led me to the swollen gland in my neck that led me to my first metastatic diagnosis of breast cancer in my parotid gland.

And once again, it IS about the bike.  This time it’s not a new diagnosis but healing from the damage done to my body after being diagnosed metastatic in 2011.  I  haven’t completed all 3 days of a YSC Tour de Pink ride since my mets diagnosis and the past few years I’ve been a cheerleader and supporter along the route instead of a rider.  I know some of you are saying “what’s the big deal”, “you’re still there and part of the event”.  But for those who know me it is a big deal.  I know I always say it’s not about how many miles you ride or how long it takes  you – it’s all about showing up.  Trust me – that is still my mantra and I feel strongly about that especially for all of our survivor riders on Tour de Pink.  Showing up is more that half the battle.  For me, things are just a tad bit different at this stage in my life.

HELLO MY NAME IS LISA AND I AM AN OVERACHIEVER.  There I said it.  I’m such an overachiever that when I was diagnosed Stage 2, I skipped Stage 3 and went right to Stage 4.  And now, my overachieving self is back in the saddle – literally.

With my brain shrinkage and my new found balance, I started working out again.  Strength training, walking and yoga.  But my one true love is being on the bike.

278547_2149403168945_1062324754_2478323_7610863_o

And today, I finally got my fat ass (thank you 3 months of steroids) on that wind trainer that has been calling my name for months now (yes I hear voices – anyone have a problem with that???).

I will NEVER let this disease beat me.  I will NEVER let this disease dictate my activity.  I will ALWAYS find a way around it to get myself to the place I need to be.

SO FUCK YOU CANCER!!!!  YOU  EVIL BEAST – I WILL NOT LET YOU DESTROY ME.  I WILL DESTROY YOU AND SO WILL MANY OTHERS.  WE ARE GETTING CLOSER AND I HOPE YOUR EVIL ASS IS RUNNING SCARED.

fingercat finger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HELP

Asking for help is an interesting thing. For me, it is not something that comes easily. Like many of us, we are very independent and used to doing for ourselves. I know I generally am.

And then a defining moment – I asked a friend for help. The response: Thank you for asking and letting me help you. When people offer to help it is because they want to, not because they think they should.

I thought about it……………it seemed to make sense but I didn’t quite embrace it.

And now, watch out! If you offered, I will hunt you down and ask you to do things for me until you want to kick me in my fat puffy steroid ass. Thank you John Lennon for expressing the need for HELP!

“”When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now those days are gone and cancer is in my life
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and learned to ask for help
“Help me if you can, my balance sucks
And I need your arm to guide me when it’s rough
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please, please help me?
“And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.”

BUT I WILL GET IT BACK!!!
AS WE KNOW, I WILL NOT LET CANCER BEAT ME. THIS IS TEMPORARY. I WILL NO LONGER FEAR ASKING FOR HELP

BUT I WILL NEED IT LESS AND LESS.

MY ACCEPTANCE OF HELP IS A TRIBUTE TO OTHERS. ALL THOSE WHO NEED A PUSH AND ALL THOSE WE’VE LOST TO THIS FUCKING DISEASE.

FUCK YOU CANCER – YOU CAN HELP YOUR NASTY BEAST RIGHT OUT THE DOOR.

THINGS THAT AMAZE AND DISGUST ME!

AMAZE! CATS CAN DRINK WATER ALL DAY AND PEE ONLY TWICE

seriousmuse

DISGUST! HOT DOG EATING CONTESTS

DISGUST! HOW MANY AMAZING AND INSPIRING WOMEN HAVE LEFT THIS LIFE FROM BREAST CANCER

busstop

AMAZE! I’M STILL HERE

A little background –

Over the past few years my left implant has been fighting with my body.  It was angry and felt like it was being pushed out while the right implant sat quietly where it belonged.  My left boob looked like a  DD and my right boob looked like a comfy C.

I had pain in my left side, pain when i bent over and twisted certain ways. My boobs were ready for an upgrade.

My cancer said OH NO!  No upgrade yet, I’m having too much fun wreaking havoc on your body. No surgery yet.  I still need everyone to worry about anesthesia.  I mean really what’s the big deal about a little possibility of a brain bleed. DISGUST!

And then the stars aligned.  Doc Onc, Doc Neuro and Doc Plastics all agreed that my scans were all good and I was ready for general anesthesia. AMAZE!

Oh and a benefit of all of this, I get a chemo break. A little time for my body to recover from the treatment side effects.

Off to New York Presbyterian – Weill Cornell – my home away from home since my original diagnosis in September 1998.  Finally – NEW BOOBS!

The mystery revealed. Because I had so much radiation to my left torso, I had serious capsular contraction on the left side and essentially the buildup of scar tissue was pushing the implant out of the capsule. My scar tissue was a large solid block of cement.

DISGUST!

Recovery.  No lifting, twisting, strain of any kind for 2 weeks.  Wear a really uncomfortable bra for 2 weeks after the bandages come off.  WTF????  I haven’t worn a bra for 10 years.  The girls are not happy but  – they are healing and getting happier.

After 3 ½ weeks of being the perfect patient, my new boobs and I are free! AMAZE!

And now back to the chemo life.  I actually was happy going to chemo again.  As many of us know, a break is great but there comes a point where the fear of being unprotected starts to creep into your brain.  Even my cancer eaten brain.Healthy brain

It felt like home. The receptionists, the secretaries, the nurses, the PAs,the docs.  Everyone is family.  If you have to have chemo, being in a loving supportive environment is essential (Lisa’s advice for the day). And of course I wore my FUCK CANCER! shirt to chemo.

postgammafucancershhitfuckcancershirt

4 weeks post surgery I am almost back to normal life.

AMAZE!

I found this quote that touched my heart (near my brand spanking new boobs!):

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!  Live the life you’ve imagined. – Thoreau

We know none of us dreamed of getting cancer.  None of us dreamed of watching the ones we love die of this awful disease.  None of us dreamed of saying goodbye to women in the prime of their lives; women with so many more years to follow their dreams who ended up living a nightmare of cancer.

photo 2

DISGUST!

We all have different life goals and dreams. Whatever those dreams are, don’t wait, live those dreams.

pamelasfoomeandsevedrinkschicagogroucho marx chemo

ANDffconcertfamilywashmon

FUCK CANCER!!!!  

fingercat fingeramcfu

WE HATE YOU, WE DESPISE YOU.  DISGUST IS TOO KIND FOR YOU.  CANCER YOU ARE A BLIGHT ON HUMANITY, WE WILL EVENTUALLY BEAT YOU.  WE WILL FIND A WAY TO STOP YOU. AND WHEN THAT DAY COMES………………………

AMAZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

Beauty was in full bloom at YSC’s In Living Pink gala last night.  And the Beast lingered in the air.

An amazing night with amazing people, survivors, caregivers, family, friends and new friends.

ILP 2015#6ILP 2015 #8ILP 2015 #3ILP 2014 #5ILP #42015 ILPILP 2015 KBK ILP2015 KandJWoakleyilp2015

I asked myself why have these beautiful people had to endure the beast.  So celebratory yet I was and am so fucking pissed that all the beauty and love is not close to being enough to keep the beast away. However, the love, support and strength in that room helped so many, including me, survive the beast.

There are women I expected to see at ILP this year only to find out they passed  on  – the beast took them from this life way to soon.

Why am I telling you this?  Because I’m both pissed off at what we all have to endure and so proud of the people in that room last night.  Whether survivor, currently battling, caregiver, family, friend or there because they believed in the mission of YSC, every one made and will continue to make a difference.

I know you expect humor and profanity in my posts.  Tonight I simply want everyone to see the beauty outside and imagine the beast inside.

The next time you meet someone who has any kind of cancer, their family, friends and supporters – try to see their beauty and not just focus on the beast.  The beast must be pushed aside and hopefully die from the Internal, spiritual and emotional beauty.

FUCK YOU CANCER – YOU UGLY HIDEOUS BEAST – LOOK AT US WE ARE BEAUTIFUL – INSIDE AND OUT –  AND WILL NEVER DANCE WITH THE BEAST.  OUR LIVES ARE NOT A FAIRY TALE, WE ARE REAL, WE ARE STRONG AND WE WILL CRUSH YOU.

Peace

IT IS NOT GOOD NEWS…………………………………………………………………..

yourcryingonmycashmere

IT IS GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me – Doc Neuro – how is my Brain MRI?

Doc Neuro – Actually it is stable with no increase in tumor size and some are smaller.

Me – OMB (Oh My Brain)

Doc Neuro – There is one teeny tiny (ok, he probably said just tiny b/c most grown men don’t say teeny tiny – but you get the point) tumor but we are going to watch it.

Me- No gamma knife??

Doc Neuro – No Gamma Knife!

Me and Mom – loud shrieking and cheering – hugging and kissing.

Doc Neuro – smiling

and there you have it………………….GREAT NEWS!!!!

Nothing more needs to be said other than……………..

FUCK YOU CANCER – ONCE AGAIN WE BEAT YOU BACK TO A TINY, LIMP, IRRELEVANT TUMOR –

screw you

View original post

IT IS NOT GOOD NEWS…………………………………………………………………..

IT IS GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me – Doc Neuro – how is my Brain MRI?

Doc Neuro – Actually it is stable with no increase in tumor size and some are smaller.

Me – OMB (Oh My Brain)

Doc Neuro – There is one teeny tiny (ok, he probably said just tiny b/c most grown men don’t say teeny tiny – but you get the point) tumor but we are going to watch it.

Me- No gamma knife??

Doc Neuro – No Gamma Knife!

Me and Mom – loud shrieking and cheering – hugging and kissing.

Doc Neuro – smiling

and there you have it………………….GREAT NEWS!!!!

Nothing more needs to be said other than……………..

FUCK YOU CANCER – ONCE AGAIN WE BEAT YOU BACK TO A TINY, LIMP, IRRELEVANT TUMOR –

screw you